Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"I've been busy" and the truth behind it

I’ve been informed that I have not paid enough attention to my blog.

My excuse is “I’ve been busy”. At this precise moment it has dawn on me that “I’ve been busy” has been the same excuse I have been using for everything from visiting my family and friends in the glorious RGV to getting my stuff together to go back to school. Am I really busy?? Or Am I ignoring the truth?? I’m beginning to think that I am not as busy as I think I am – correction as I say I am. There have been so many changes this past year that I thought I was ready for and maybe I wasn’t. Since, I can remember I have been dying to get out of the valley. I couldn’t wait to turn 18 to get the hell out of there. Of course, my destiny did not have the same plans for me. Every time that I became determine to leave I felt I couldn’t because I didn’t want to leave my friends – I felt that I would miss out on something. Being in relationships also stopped me – I felt what if this is the one and I’m leaving him behind (obviously they were not the one). Then there’s my mother who I love dearly but I knew that if I left she will milk the guilt card any chance she could – she has. I finally left. While I am enjoying San Antonio and all he has to offer – I miss the RGV. I have missed out on family functions and on my friendships. I keep them alive in my heart but I don’t think I make enough effort to keep them alive in my life. It’s not that I want to – it just scares me to think that maybe I made the wrong move by moving 4 hours away from my life. As much as I want to run away from the RGV I can’t…it’s a part of me. Sure I’ve made new friends and I have new routines but it’s not the same. The friendships are not the same. I guess I have to stop earning for what I had and appreciate what I do have.

I moved to SA to pursue my career in Psychology. I should have taken a year off after I got my bachelor’s. Towards the end I was burned out. I could not take it anymore. I had to let go of it – for a while at least. Hopefully, with the new page my life will be taking as a teacher I’ll be able to go back and continue with my goal. I can’t give up. That’s the one thing I can’t do. I sacrificed too much to walk away from it.

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months now. OMG…city boys are so different. We have are ups and we have our downs but I’ve been enjoying my time with him. I’ve been learning a lot about myself being with Julian. I realized that I am as stubborn as a mule and it’s not always a good thing (who’d thought?) I learned that there’s a good side to everyone. I’ve learned to be more laid back and enjoy the days as they come. I’ve learned that saying I love you every day is not as meaningful as when he shows me he loves me. I have learned that things don’t always have to be perfect to be perfect. I have also learned that I can’t always take a joke. I can't disclose the other stuff that I've learned but I'm sure Aurora would like it.

I guess I did make the right choice by moving. I have a career – almost starting a new one. I’m still mindset about returning to school. I have my friends and I have Julian. I wish I had my family and friends here too. A part of me will always belong to the valley.
I’ll try to update it more often. I just can’t figure how to work this thing.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

How deep is my love?

I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either. Sure, there are some things about you that upset me scare me, embarrass me and just plain piss me off, but the good things outweigh them infinitely. Please believe me, when I say that I want to be by your side, to hold your hand, to treasure you in the morning and in the noon-tide, to be next to you, to be held close to your heart now and for the rest of my living years, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears, to fight your battles and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud.

So, how deep is my love?

One look into your eyes and I'm hooked,
One smile from you and I melt,
One feel of your warmth and I get the chills,
One touch of you and you're all I think about,
One beat of your heart and mine beats twice as fast,
One touch of your body and I feel so secure,
One touch of your lips and I feel like you're mine forever,
One feel of your love and I feel like I am the only one for you.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Day 1

Day 1 with this blog and I already foresee myself being addicted to this thing like I was addicted to myspace back in the day. Such is life! Two of my friends (that I know of) have their own blogs; I figured I would join since this would be the fastest and best way to stay in touch with them and let them know what's going on in Lori's world. I've been gone for a year and half from the valley and aside from missing my family I miss my friends too. They've been a big part of my life and it hurts that I can't be near them. While I know they're a phone call away it's not the same. I miss eating at Mari's, miss Jen being Jennifer and I miss drinking with Aurora...crazy girls! My life wouldn't have been exciting as it was with out you in them.

I just realized that it's a Friday night and I'm snuggling up with my laptop instead of being out. I know you guys are celebrating Christmas and doing the gift exchange at Erica's. Hope you guys are having fun and Mari...I hope you like your gift.