Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"I've been busy" and the truth behind it

I’ve been informed that I have not paid enough attention to my blog.

My excuse is “I’ve been busy”. At this precise moment it has dawn on me that “I’ve been busy” has been the same excuse I have been using for everything from visiting my family and friends in the glorious RGV to getting my stuff together to go back to school. Am I really busy?? Or Am I ignoring the truth?? I’m beginning to think that I am not as busy as I think I am – correction as I say I am. There have been so many changes this past year that I thought I was ready for and maybe I wasn’t. Since, I can remember I have been dying to get out of the valley. I couldn’t wait to turn 18 to get the hell out of there. Of course, my destiny did not have the same plans for me. Every time that I became determine to leave I felt I couldn’t because I didn’t want to leave my friends – I felt that I would miss out on something. Being in relationships also stopped me – I felt what if this is the one and I’m leaving him behind (obviously they were not the one). Then there’s my mother who I love dearly but I knew that if I left she will milk the guilt card any chance she could – she has. I finally left. While I am enjoying San Antonio and all he has to offer – I miss the RGV. I have missed out on family functions and on my friendships. I keep them alive in my heart but I don’t think I make enough effort to keep them alive in my life. It’s not that I want to – it just scares me to think that maybe I made the wrong move by moving 4 hours away from my life. As much as I want to run away from the RGV I can’t…it’s a part of me. Sure I’ve made new friends and I have new routines but it’s not the same. The friendships are not the same. I guess I have to stop earning for what I had and appreciate what I do have.

I moved to SA to pursue my career in Psychology. I should have taken a year off after I got my bachelor’s. Towards the end I was burned out. I could not take it anymore. I had to let go of it – for a while at least. Hopefully, with the new page my life will be taking as a teacher I’ll be able to go back and continue with my goal. I can’t give up. That’s the one thing I can’t do. I sacrificed too much to walk away from it.

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 months now. OMG…city boys are so different. We have are ups and we have our downs but I’ve been enjoying my time with him. I’ve been learning a lot about myself being with Julian. I realized that I am as stubborn as a mule and it’s not always a good thing (who’d thought?) I learned that there’s a good side to everyone. I’ve learned to be more laid back and enjoy the days as they come. I’ve learned that saying I love you every day is not as meaningful as when he shows me he loves me. I have learned that things don’t always have to be perfect to be perfect. I have also learned that I can’t always take a joke. I can't disclose the other stuff that I've learned but I'm sure Aurora would like it.

I guess I did make the right choice by moving. I have a career – almost starting a new one. I’m still mindset about returning to school. I have my friends and I have Julian. I wish I had my family and friends here too. A part of me will always belong to the valley.
I’ll try to update it more often. I just can’t figure how to work this thing.